The day before

April 14th, 2010 - 122 days until Wedding



Well today is the final day of my first week of changing from my toxic lifestyle, to one that is much more body friendly. It's been a tough week, and there were times on more than one occasion that I wanted so badly to just give up and start again next week. The one thing that kept me going when that little voice in my head was trying so hard to toss me back onto that familiar path, was you. The ones who have decided to read this blog and follow my struggles towards my fabulous self. When all hell breaks loose and that cookie bag was yelling my name I thought back to the computer screen I would have to face on Thursday. The one that I would have to publish my success or failures on for the world to see. Talk about pressure! Nobody in their right mind wants to say they failed during their first week on a new diet. This is when you are most motivated and have a good chance of seeing a positive change.
From experience ( many many years of this) I have always dreaded that day before. The one day you are most aware of how you are doing on your diet. That day before weigh in. It is the most horrible day of the week in my opinion. You are so set on making sure that scale gives you the number you want, that you will pretty much do anything the day before to achieve that. It's that final day to make up for all the tiny mistakes you've made throughout the week. Those days where you mindlessly grabbed for naughty little treats to toss in your mouth and then act as though a whole bag of small mini eggs will never do any damage. Or those days where you're just too tired to come home and make anything healthy to eat so you just open the cupboard to grab something that will not interfere with your couch potato time.
This is the day you do the worst possible thing you can do on a diet, you take it to the extreme. You are so focused on what that scale is going to tell you that all your good habits are tossed out the window and you decide it is a good day to survive on your morning latte, a piece of fruit and water. Not only do you plan on starving yourself all day but you are also thinking about every possible way you can get in exercise today. Thinking if you sweat yourself to near exhaustion you will definitely be rewarded in the morning. It all seems fine and dandy now, and maybe you do have the will power to make it through the day like this but what about tomorrow? If you are like me, the second you jump off that scale you will be running for the kitchen to grab anything to eat. Now if the scale gave you the number you wanted you will be ready to celebrate your achievements. Ok that's great lets get in the car and drive around until we find the biggest bag of chips possible with the fattiest dip and shove it down our throats like there is no tomorrow. You know deep down inside that this is by far the most savage thing you have done all week but you begin to justify your actions. "Well let's think back to the previous day", you say to yourself. "I basically ate nothing, so these extra calories today will just even things back out". Hidden in your car you continue to shove food in your mouth not even tasting it as you scramble to finish it all off so there is nothing to tempt you later. Once you have licked that final crumb, you lay your over stuffed self down on the couch and for a split second feel great. Then it sets in, remorse. You have just given in to a weak moment and ruined everything you struggled so hard for all week. You survived an entire week of eating healthy and making the right choices and yet you felt the need to throw it all away in a matter of minutes. Now you are back at square one. Get back on that scale now fat ass, I dare you.
Now this would be my usual path, and don't get me wrong I did consider it this morning when I woke up. This is why I am sitting here now writing this all down. I don't want to ruin my hard work by giving in to this horrible monster inside of me. I am determined to make this work and I don't care how hard it is, I refuse to throw it all away now when I have passed the hardest week. So today will be a new venture in the dieting world for me. I vow to continue on through my day as if tomorrow was just another day. When I step on the scale in the morning, it wont show me how well I starved myself the day before, it will show me how well I did all week. Now that is a far better feeling then trying to survive a day where your stomach is talking louder than the kids in your class.

XOXO