April 30th, 2010 - 107 days until Wedding
I can hardly believe that I am working on my last week of 1 month of my journey to fabulous. Crazy how time flies, and I know I said this before but thank god I started this 3 weeks ago and not now. Yesterday I slipped on the pair of black work pants that had jumped started this whole thing 3 weeks ago. I remember slipping them on that wondrous day and thinking, "holy crap when did these become spandex tight!". It was a wake up call to me and since then I have not looked back. When I slipped those pants on I was a little nervous. I don't think I could handle them still being super tight. I was pleasantly surprised! They fit perfectly and I even wore them to school!
So as you all know, yesterday was my weigh in day. In my past endeavors to lose weight, week three is usually where I give up because it seems to be when everything comes to a halt. It's always the first weigh in where the scale disagrees with me. I was so nervous to step on it that I almost tried to pull the I forgot card which everyone would know was a lie due to my love hate relationship with the scale. I took a deep breath and stepped on..... and I nearly fell over when I saw that I was down!!! That's right I broke the curse. I was down only 1/2 a pound but who the hell cares, I was still down! That would be a grand total of 6.5 lbs.
I've got 2 weeks left until I head off to Toronto to try on my wedding dress for the first time since I bought it. My goal was to be down 10 lbs by then and I am super positive that I will make it! 3.5 to go and 2 weeks to do it. Great goal to help keep me motivated. Being down this week was definitely the bulldozer I needed to knock down that brick wall and keep me moving forwards.
I know the only way i am going to keep things going is by adding in more physical activity. I need to make this a habit again and it's going to take some battles with myself to achieve this. I know the weather is going to be crappy this weekend but I am determined to get some sort of activity in both days. I'm thinking of heading up to the gymnastics club and working through my girls warm up and conditioning regime that takes about 45 min. I know I will be dead by the end but it will be a great way to start getting back into shape. If anyone is interested in coming up with me just let me know and we can struggle through it together!
XOXO
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
I need of a serving of motivation
April 28th, 2010 - 109 days until Wedding
I'm not sure what has happened, but this morning I feel like I have run into a giant brick wall face first. I'm sitting at my desk doing everything possible to avoid planning for the day. I seem to just be in a stuck position at the moment and need to find the motivation to get up and climb over that giant brick wall so I can keep moving down the path to fabulous. Who the hell would build a brick wall on a path anyways? I need to make a change in my routine to help get me through this. I know it has only been about 3 weeks but my attention span is about as big as my students in grade 5/6. If I get bored it will be very easy for me to give up. I'm not sure why I am lacking the motivation to get off my ass and do something. It's not like I want to be inside on the couch, I have actually been spending my few spare moments out on my deck enjoying the sun. I need to change up this routine and instead of enjoying the sun in my lounge chair, I need to enjoy it while doing something active. My mind has been playing games on me, and doing a very good job of convincing me to just sit and take a break during the hour I have between jobs.
I need help! I can't keep doing this or I will never reach my goal. I wish we had a gym that was open 24 hours here in the bush. I miss the days that I could head to the gym after a night of coaching. I was just as tired then as I am now but once I got to the gym I felt 100% better. I keep trying to motivate myself to get something started by not allowing my finger to press that oh so easy checkout button on some of my favorite online shopping sites. "Not until you reach 10 lbs" I tell myself, and usually that is an easy motivator as I am highly addicted to shopping. But this time around it does not seem to be working. My eating has been great all week but I still don't feel good. I know I need to get out and do something, it's just a matter of finding the strength and motivation to get me up and over that friggin brick wall. Maybe I need a bulldozer?
XOXO
I'm not sure what has happened, but this morning I feel like I have run into a giant brick wall face first. I'm sitting at my desk doing everything possible to avoid planning for the day. I seem to just be in a stuck position at the moment and need to find the motivation to get up and climb over that giant brick wall so I can keep moving down the path to fabulous. Who the hell would build a brick wall on a path anyways? I need to make a change in my routine to help get me through this. I know it has only been about 3 weeks but my attention span is about as big as my students in grade 5/6. If I get bored it will be very easy for me to give up. I'm not sure why I am lacking the motivation to get off my ass and do something. It's not like I want to be inside on the couch, I have actually been spending my few spare moments out on my deck enjoying the sun. I need to change up this routine and instead of enjoying the sun in my lounge chair, I need to enjoy it while doing something active. My mind has been playing games on me, and doing a very good job of convincing me to just sit and take a break during the hour I have between jobs.
I need help! I can't keep doing this or I will never reach my goal. I wish we had a gym that was open 24 hours here in the bush. I miss the days that I could head to the gym after a night of coaching. I was just as tired then as I am now but once I got to the gym I felt 100% better. I keep trying to motivate myself to get something started by not allowing my finger to press that oh so easy checkout button on some of my favorite online shopping sites. "Not until you reach 10 lbs" I tell myself, and usually that is an easy motivator as I am highly addicted to shopping. But this time around it does not seem to be working. My eating has been great all week but I still don't feel good. I know I need to get out and do something, it's just a matter of finding the strength and motivation to get me up and over that friggin brick wall. Maybe I need a bulldozer?
XOXO
Monday, April 26, 2010
A slight bump in the road
April 26th, 2010 - 111 days until Wedding
Well the beginning of week three has been a bit of a challenge. I was away this weekend coaching gymnastics so I was unable to get in my soon to be usual weekend bike ride. That was just part one of my many mistakes I made this weekend. I should have dragged my lazy butt out once I returned home Saturday night but I had a head cold so I plunked my fat ass down on the couch and refused to move. The sudden aroma of homemade nachos didn't even seem to register an ounce of guilt inside of me. Not once did I even think to myself that this was a bad idea. Instead I pushed all thoughts out of my mind and proceeded to follow what my stomach was saying instead of what my head should have been saying. I managed to scarf down as many nachos as I could until I actually felt sick to my stomach. Finally my stomach began to agree with what my head was saying all along, and I put down that last chip and removed myself from the situation. Now it would be easy to say that it was not my fault and that a certain someone should have kept that crap out of the house but I am to blame. It was my idea to make such a toxic meal and it's not like anyone tied me down and force fed me. All though I would like to believe that I ate savagely out of control because there was a gun to my head, the truth is I made a bad choice.
I felt like crap the second it had registered that I had ruined everything I had worked so hard for over the last two weeks. Guilt set in and I began to feel sorry for myself. Instead of doing my usual pity pout, I got over it and hopped right back up on the wagon. The following day I jumped on my bike to meet the girls for breakfast/lunch. I forced myself behave and eat healthy and felt 100% better when I was biking back up the hill to my house. I made sure that my day consisted of only healthy choices and I removed myself from any temptations.
I feel good this morning, and I am trying not to think about my slight set back. I will not let one thing ruin my attitude and convince me to give up. I'm planning on making Wednesday a walking night, so all of you out there who are interested drop by my house before 7:00pm and you can join me in a lovely stroll around the town. Just let me know in advance if you are coming so I don't leave without you.
Here is to a great week and a jump back in the right direction.
XOXO
Well the beginning of week three has been a bit of a challenge. I was away this weekend coaching gymnastics so I was unable to get in my soon to be usual weekend bike ride. That was just part one of my many mistakes I made this weekend. I should have dragged my lazy butt out once I returned home Saturday night but I had a head cold so I plunked my fat ass down on the couch and refused to move. The sudden aroma of homemade nachos didn't even seem to register an ounce of guilt inside of me. Not once did I even think to myself that this was a bad idea. Instead I pushed all thoughts out of my mind and proceeded to follow what my stomach was saying instead of what my head should have been saying. I managed to scarf down as many nachos as I could until I actually felt sick to my stomach. Finally my stomach began to agree with what my head was saying all along, and I put down that last chip and removed myself from the situation. Now it would be easy to say that it was not my fault and that a certain someone should have kept that crap out of the house but I am to blame. It was my idea to make such a toxic meal and it's not like anyone tied me down and force fed me. All though I would like to believe that I ate savagely out of control because there was a gun to my head, the truth is I made a bad choice.
I felt like crap the second it had registered that I had ruined everything I had worked so hard for over the last two weeks. Guilt set in and I began to feel sorry for myself. Instead of doing my usual pity pout, I got over it and hopped right back up on the wagon. The following day I jumped on my bike to meet the girls for breakfast/lunch. I forced myself behave and eat healthy and felt 100% better when I was biking back up the hill to my house. I made sure that my day consisted of only healthy choices and I removed myself from any temptations.
I feel good this morning, and I am trying not to think about my slight set back. I will not let one thing ruin my attitude and convince me to give up. I'm planning on making Wednesday a walking night, so all of you out there who are interested drop by my house before 7:00pm and you can join me in a lovely stroll around the town. Just let me know in advance if you are coming so I don't leave without you.
Here is to a great week and a jump back in the right direction.
XOXO
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Week two is in the past
April 22nd, 2010 - 115 days until Wedding
Well I can honestly say that these past two weeks and flown by and thank god I started this then and not now. I can't even imagine hitting panic mode now, knowing that I only have 3 weeks until I try my dress on. I'm feeling great with how things are going. I have been working really hard on eliminating that mid afternoon snacking and it seems to be paying off. I jumped on my beloved scale this morning and it spit out exactly what I wanted to see, down 2 lbs!!! So that brings my grand total to 6 lbs forever lost. I am so happy that I have come this far in the last two weeks, and I am only more motivated than ever to keep going.
I received a package in the mail the other day, it was the two amazing bathing suits that I ordered from Victoria Secret. I was so excited to try them on that I ripped the bag open the second I stepped in the door and bolted upstairs. Once I got the first one on, I knew I had to turn around and face that full length mirror on the other side of my room. I took in a deep breath and gave myself a little pep talk before turning around. I said "self, we have been working so hard over the last two weeks, that it doesn't matter what it looks like when you turn around. You know you have been on track, and the image staring back at you will only get better over the next few weeks." Once I had pumped myself up I turned around and to my surprise didn't feel half as horrible as I usually would when trying on a bathing suit. It wasn't the perfect body staring back at me, but it was better than anything I saw staring back last year. I turned back around before I could let any negative thoughts start to drift in, and counted that as a successful moment along my path to fabulous.
Even though 6 lbs may not sound like much to some of you out there, for those who struggle with weight it is huge. I am so happy that I have come this far and have no plans to jump off into the crowd of bad habits anytime soon. I do have to thank all of you out there who have been reading and commenting. You have helped me push through those tough moments. My mom has been great with her tough love and Jamie my adoring fiance is always doing those little things like counting how many girl guide cookies are left just to make sure I'm not savagely scarfing them down the second he walks out the door.
Thank you Alexa for getting me started, and keeping me motivated just by writing on your blog. WOW is all I have to say about her, and if you have not checked out her sexy new body you should!
Weekend in Dryden coming up and I'm hoping I can survive.
XOXO
Well I can honestly say that these past two weeks and flown by and thank god I started this then and not now. I can't even imagine hitting panic mode now, knowing that I only have 3 weeks until I try my dress on. I'm feeling great with how things are going. I have been working really hard on eliminating that mid afternoon snacking and it seems to be paying off. I jumped on my beloved scale this morning and it spit out exactly what I wanted to see, down 2 lbs!!! So that brings my grand total to 6 lbs forever lost. I am so happy that I have come this far in the last two weeks, and I am only more motivated than ever to keep going.
I received a package in the mail the other day, it was the two amazing bathing suits that I ordered from Victoria Secret. I was so excited to try them on that I ripped the bag open the second I stepped in the door and bolted upstairs. Once I got the first one on, I knew I had to turn around and face that full length mirror on the other side of my room. I took in a deep breath and gave myself a little pep talk before turning around. I said "self, we have been working so hard over the last two weeks, that it doesn't matter what it looks like when you turn around. You know you have been on track, and the image staring back at you will only get better over the next few weeks." Once I had pumped myself up I turned around and to my surprise didn't feel half as horrible as I usually would when trying on a bathing suit. It wasn't the perfect body staring back at me, but it was better than anything I saw staring back last year. I turned back around before I could let any negative thoughts start to drift in, and counted that as a successful moment along my path to fabulous.
Even though 6 lbs may not sound like much to some of you out there, for those who struggle with weight it is huge. I am so happy that I have come this far and have no plans to jump off into the crowd of bad habits anytime soon. I do have to thank all of you out there who have been reading and commenting. You have helped me push through those tough moments. My mom has been great with her tough love and Jamie my adoring fiance is always doing those little things like counting how many girl guide cookies are left just to make sure I'm not savagely scarfing them down the second he walks out the door.
Thank you Alexa for getting me started, and keeping me motivated just by writing on your blog. WOW is all I have to say about her, and if you have not checked out her sexy new body you should!
Weekend in Dryden coming up and I'm hoping I can survive.
XOXO
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I don't remember it being that hard
April 20th, 2010 - 117 days until Wedding
I have not forgotten about you all, I have just been busy enjoying the beautiful weather and had no motivation to sit inside and be on the computer. It's crazy to think that my second week is almost over. There are some days where I am sitting their trying to focus on not snacking and wishing the day would just be over so I could go to bed and start all over the next, but this past week has flown by and I am really trying hard to stay on track all of the time.
Well, last week while I had to make my trip to Dryden for school, I was able to pick up a bike for Jamie. Before the school season started for me I was biking about 6 miles every day. Once school started and being a first year teacher with absolutely no resources, my life sort of disappeared. Now that I have somewhat got myself into a routine of getting to school super early, planning in the morning, teaching all day and coaching gymnastics most nights, it doesn't seem so bad. Now that I have tried to add in physical activity I seem to feel all over the place again. My regular routine which is already jam packed now needs to squeeze in yet another thing. Now I am not at all saying I am that much busier than any one of you who religiously goes to the gym, but for me waking up at 5 am to work out is not an option. So for now, and I mean these last 10 weeks of school, my workout days are limited to 3-4 a week.
I didn't realize how out of shape I was until this past weekend. I thought it would be a good idea to bike to Madsen. It was beautiful weather, no traffic ever on that highway and no major plans the following day. Perfect! I thought to myself, "This won't be that hard, I used to run 12 miles for my long run when I was training for the 1/2 Marathon." Man was I ever wrong. Going from doing absolutely nothing to biking to Madsen and back brought back fond memories of my summer in the Pocono Mountains. When I coached gymnastics in the US one summer we decided it would be a good plan to bike to the beach. It was friggin up hill the whole way through the mountains. We all thought we were going to die once we reached the beach we couldn't possibly think about ever getting on a bike again. I'm pretty sure we ended up walking our bikes towards the end and at one point considered just tossing them into the ditch. They were not ours so we didn't care. By no means was my bike ride out to Madsen nearly as painful as the one through the mountains, but I can guarantee my ass hurt just as much. I actually considered tying a couch cushion on my bike before ever leaving the house.
So I can say that I survived the bike trip even though it was hard, and lived to bike to my parents house for coffee the next morning. I thought my legs would be sore but surprisingly enough they were not. To me it is easy to get in a workout during the weekend, it's during the week that will kill me. I don't work Wednesday nights, so my plan is to get out there this Wednesday and possibly Friday.
If anyone out there is interested in having a walking or biking date every Wednesday let me know. We can make it a Journey to Fabulous date where we all take time out of our busy lives just for us. You can bring your child or dog and we can catch up on gossip while making our bodies happy.
P.S I do have a picture saved on my camera, but at this current point in time my cords have grown legs and walked away. Until they return I am unable to post a picture.
XOXO
I have not forgotten about you all, I have just been busy enjoying the beautiful weather and had no motivation to sit inside and be on the computer. It's crazy to think that my second week is almost over. There are some days where I am sitting their trying to focus on not snacking and wishing the day would just be over so I could go to bed and start all over the next, but this past week has flown by and I am really trying hard to stay on track all of the time.
Well, last week while I had to make my trip to Dryden for school, I was able to pick up a bike for Jamie. Before the school season started for me I was biking about 6 miles every day. Once school started and being a first year teacher with absolutely no resources, my life sort of disappeared. Now that I have somewhat got myself into a routine of getting to school super early, planning in the morning, teaching all day and coaching gymnastics most nights, it doesn't seem so bad. Now that I have tried to add in physical activity I seem to feel all over the place again. My regular routine which is already jam packed now needs to squeeze in yet another thing. Now I am not at all saying I am that much busier than any one of you who religiously goes to the gym, but for me waking up at 5 am to work out is not an option. So for now, and I mean these last 10 weeks of school, my workout days are limited to 3-4 a week.
I didn't realize how out of shape I was until this past weekend. I thought it would be a good idea to bike to Madsen. It was beautiful weather, no traffic ever on that highway and no major plans the following day. Perfect! I thought to myself, "This won't be that hard, I used to run 12 miles for my long run when I was training for the 1/2 Marathon." Man was I ever wrong. Going from doing absolutely nothing to biking to Madsen and back brought back fond memories of my summer in the Pocono Mountains. When I coached gymnastics in the US one summer we decided it would be a good plan to bike to the beach. It was friggin up hill the whole way through the mountains. We all thought we were going to die once we reached the beach we couldn't possibly think about ever getting on a bike again. I'm pretty sure we ended up walking our bikes towards the end and at one point considered just tossing them into the ditch. They were not ours so we didn't care. By no means was my bike ride out to Madsen nearly as painful as the one through the mountains, but I can guarantee my ass hurt just as much. I actually considered tying a couch cushion on my bike before ever leaving the house.
So I can say that I survived the bike trip even though it was hard, and lived to bike to my parents house for coffee the next morning. I thought my legs would be sore but surprisingly enough they were not. To me it is easy to get in a workout during the weekend, it's during the week that will kill me. I don't work Wednesday nights, so my plan is to get out there this Wednesday and possibly Friday.
If anyone out there is interested in having a walking or biking date every Wednesday let me know. We can make it a Journey to Fabulous date where we all take time out of our busy lives just for us. You can bring your child or dog and we can catch up on gossip while making our bodies happy.
P.S I do have a picture saved on my camera, but at this current point in time my cords have grown legs and walked away. Until they return I am unable to post a picture.
XOXO
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Week one is now done!
April 16th, 2010 - 121 days until Wedding
Well yesterday was the day, the one that determined if I did as well as I thought this week. The tell all day that will show how well I followed my new plan. You all know the second I woke up yesterday morning the only thing going through my head was, "If that damn scale doesn't show what I want it will be snapped in half". Now before I post how I did let me recap a few things from this week. First of all I did not post yesterday, not because I was hiding from you all but because I was out of town for a math PD day.
So I can honestly say that this week was quite difficult in the beginning. I wanted so bad to cheat on many occasions and if I hadn't tossed out almost all the tempting things in my house I would have sabotaged my diet everyday of this week. I did not drastically change what I ate but did make myself more aware of what I was putting in my mouth and when I was doing it. I did drastically cut down on carbs this week as before I was way too dependent on that terrible yet so good food group.
Ok drum roll please. I can honestly say I was nervous getting on that scale. The fact that I had avoided it all week was hard but getting on it not knowing what to expect was even harder.
Results: down 4 pounds!!!! Yup that's right doubters not only was I down but I smashed right through my expectations. Talk about one hell of a motivator for the upcoming week. Now for those of you waiting for pictures, I should have them up tonight. I am currently charging my camera and in search of those cords needed to transfer the pictures to my computer. I am putting a warning on these now, they are not pretty and those with a weak stomach should avoid. But what the hell, it will be something I can look back at and laugh at in a few months time. A reminder of a low point in my life that I will never return to.
Well yesterday I had to make the trip down the highway to Starbucks ooops I mean Dryden for a Math PD session. First stop on my trip was my kingdom of Starbucks. I've seriously considered buying stock in this company since I have spent enough money there over the last few year, I bet I own at least 1/8 of it already. It was like the gods knew I was coming. The second I stepped in that store it was like nothing else around me existed. For that few moments everything was silent in my world as I floated towards the counter. My eyes scanned around to find out what was the new special coffee they had out. "Dark Cherry Mocha" would be the name that practically jumped off the counter and attacked me. For a split second I was about to order this wonderful sounding diet ending coffee and then reality hit. A man who had to have been at least 300 lbs walked by me with a shopping bag full of junk food. "My god" I thought "Don't you know that is going to kill you? How can you not see what you are doing to yourself. Everyone else around you can see it, and yet you are blind to the damage". In that instant I snapped to my own self. How could I criticize someone who is over weight, for buying junk food, when I was about to do the same thing. Just because I'm not 300 lbs doesn't mean I'm not doing the same thing this guy was. When the guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted for the fourth time, I replied with my usual of "Venti non fat extra hot latte please" and then it was over. I surpassed my first temptation of the day. I had strongly considered buying that coffee and sucking back the 2000 calories it contained. If it hadn't been for the obese junk food guy, I would had jumped off the wagon and ran away with my coffee like a lunatic.
Lunch was another challenge for me on this day. For those who don't know, when us teachers head down the highway to these meetings, everything is provided for us. Breakfast and lunch included. Now I had gotten smart about the breakfast thing and I eat before I leave just so I am not starving when I walk past the pastry table they have set up in the morning. Lunch is a different story. By then you are hungry and it always smells so good no matter what they made. I was praying that today would be the day they would make something I was allergic to and I would be forced to stick with salad. Of course that was not the case. Cesar Salad and Fettuccine Alfredo!! AHHHH Panic has set in the second I stepped in that line. What do I do now? Once I got up to the front I realized that the dressing wasn't actually on the salad and sighed a breath of relief. At least I could load up my plate full of salad and put on a minimum of that fatty dressing and then bolt away from the table. Once I was finished filling up my plate the smell of the sauce drifted in one nostril and out the other. I felt trapped. I knew that if I bolted from that table I was going to be thinking about that pasta all day and that could cause me to snatch up a bag of chips later on down the road for the ride home. I grabbed the tongs and scooped out not even 1/2 a cup of noddles onto my plate and about a table spoon of sauce and bolted from the table without looking back. I enjoyed my salad first while we talked teacher stuff with others from the Red Lake area and then took two bites of my pasta and tossed my napkin over it. I was not about to ruin everything I worked so hard for, for some pasta that I could make any day of the week.
So there you have it folks, I survived my first week as well as my first out of town experience. Of course you all know I jumped on that scale this morning to make sure I didn't ruin my day while I away. The results ........ Your going to have to wait until next Thursday to find that out!
XOXO
Well yesterday was the day, the one that determined if I did as well as I thought this week. The tell all day that will show how well I followed my new plan. You all know the second I woke up yesterday morning the only thing going through my head was, "If that damn scale doesn't show what I want it will be snapped in half". Now before I post how I did let me recap a few things from this week. First of all I did not post yesterday, not because I was hiding from you all but because I was out of town for a math PD day.
So I can honestly say that this week was quite difficult in the beginning. I wanted so bad to cheat on many occasions and if I hadn't tossed out almost all the tempting things in my house I would have sabotaged my diet everyday of this week. I did not drastically change what I ate but did make myself more aware of what I was putting in my mouth and when I was doing it. I did drastically cut down on carbs this week as before I was way too dependent on that terrible yet so good food group.
Ok drum roll please. I can honestly say I was nervous getting on that scale. The fact that I had avoided it all week was hard but getting on it not knowing what to expect was even harder.
Results: down 4 pounds!!!! Yup that's right doubters not only was I down but I smashed right through my expectations. Talk about one hell of a motivator for the upcoming week. Now for those of you waiting for pictures, I should have them up tonight. I am currently charging my camera and in search of those cords needed to transfer the pictures to my computer. I am putting a warning on these now, they are not pretty and those with a weak stomach should avoid. But what the hell, it will be something I can look back at and laugh at in a few months time. A reminder of a low point in my life that I will never return to.
Well yesterday I had to make the trip down the highway to Starbucks ooops I mean Dryden for a Math PD session. First stop on my trip was my kingdom of Starbucks. I've seriously considered buying stock in this company since I have spent enough money there over the last few year, I bet I own at least 1/8 of it already. It was like the gods knew I was coming. The second I stepped in that store it was like nothing else around me existed. For that few moments everything was silent in my world as I floated towards the counter. My eyes scanned around to find out what was the new special coffee they had out. "Dark Cherry Mocha" would be the name that practically jumped off the counter and attacked me. For a split second I was about to order this wonderful sounding diet ending coffee and then reality hit. A man who had to have been at least 300 lbs walked by me with a shopping bag full of junk food. "My god" I thought "Don't you know that is going to kill you? How can you not see what you are doing to yourself. Everyone else around you can see it, and yet you are blind to the damage". In that instant I snapped to my own self. How could I criticize someone who is over weight, for buying junk food, when I was about to do the same thing. Just because I'm not 300 lbs doesn't mean I'm not doing the same thing this guy was. When the guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted for the fourth time, I replied with my usual of "Venti non fat extra hot latte please" and then it was over. I surpassed my first temptation of the day. I had strongly considered buying that coffee and sucking back the 2000 calories it contained. If it hadn't been for the obese junk food guy, I would had jumped off the wagon and ran away with my coffee like a lunatic.
Lunch was another challenge for me on this day. For those who don't know, when us teachers head down the highway to these meetings, everything is provided for us. Breakfast and lunch included. Now I had gotten smart about the breakfast thing and I eat before I leave just so I am not starving when I walk past the pastry table they have set up in the morning. Lunch is a different story. By then you are hungry and it always smells so good no matter what they made. I was praying that today would be the day they would make something I was allergic to and I would be forced to stick with salad. Of course that was not the case. Cesar Salad and Fettuccine Alfredo!! AHHHH Panic has set in the second I stepped in that line. What do I do now? Once I got up to the front I realized that the dressing wasn't actually on the salad and sighed a breath of relief. At least I could load up my plate full of salad and put on a minimum of that fatty dressing and then bolt away from the table. Once I was finished filling up my plate the smell of the sauce drifted in one nostril and out the other. I felt trapped. I knew that if I bolted from that table I was going to be thinking about that pasta all day and that could cause me to snatch up a bag of chips later on down the road for the ride home. I grabbed the tongs and scooped out not even 1/2 a cup of noddles onto my plate and about a table spoon of sauce and bolted from the table without looking back. I enjoyed my salad first while we talked teacher stuff with others from the Red Lake area and then took two bites of my pasta and tossed my napkin over it. I was not about to ruin everything I worked so hard for, for some pasta that I could make any day of the week.
So there you have it folks, I survived my first week as well as my first out of town experience. Of course you all know I jumped on that scale this morning to make sure I didn't ruin my day while I away. The results ........ Your going to have to wait until next Thursday to find that out!
XOXO
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
The day before
April 14th, 2010 - 122 days until Wedding
Well today is the final day of my first week of changing from my toxic lifestyle, to one that is much more body friendly. It's been a tough week, and there were times on more than one occasion that I wanted so badly to just give up and start again next week. The one thing that kept me going when that little voice in my head was trying so hard to toss me back onto that familiar path, was you. The ones who have decided to read this blog and follow my struggles towards my fabulous self. When all hell breaks loose and that cookie bag was yelling my name I thought back to the computer screen I would have to face on Thursday. The one that I would have to publish my success or failures on for the world to see. Talk about pressure! Nobody in their right mind wants to say they failed during their first week on a new diet. This is when you are most motivated and have a good chance of seeing a positive change.
From experience ( many many years of this) I have always dreaded that day before. The one day you are most aware of how you are doing on your diet. That day before weigh in. It is the most horrible day of the week in my opinion. You are so set on making sure that scale gives you the number you want, that you will pretty much do anything the day before to achieve that. It's that final day to make up for all the tiny mistakes you've made throughout the week. Those days where you mindlessly grabbed for naughty little treats to toss in your mouth and then act as though a whole bag of small mini eggs will never do any damage. Or those days where you're just too tired to come home and make anything healthy to eat so you just open the cupboard to grab something that will not interfere with your couch potato time.
This is the day you do the worst possible thing you can do on a diet, you take it to the extreme. You are so focused on what that scale is going to tell you that all your good habits are tossed out the window and you decide it is a good day to survive on your morning latte, a piece of fruit and water. Not only do you plan on starving yourself all day but you are also thinking about every possible way you can get in exercise today. Thinking if you sweat yourself to near exhaustion you will definitely be rewarded in the morning. It all seems fine and dandy now, and maybe you do have the will power to make it through the day like this but what about tomorrow? If you are like me, the second you jump off that scale you will be running for the kitchen to grab anything to eat. Now if the scale gave you the number you wanted you will be ready to celebrate your achievements. Ok that's great lets get in the car and drive around until we find the biggest bag of chips possible with the fattiest dip and shove it down our throats like there is no tomorrow. You know deep down inside that this is by far the most savage thing you have done all week but you begin to justify your actions. "Well let's think back to the previous day", you say to yourself. "I basically ate nothing, so these extra calories today will just even things back out". Hidden in your car you continue to shove food in your mouth not even tasting it as you scramble to finish it all off so there is nothing to tempt you later. Once you have licked that final crumb, you lay your over stuffed self down on the couch and for a split second feel great. Then it sets in, remorse. You have just given in to a weak moment and ruined everything you struggled so hard for all week. You survived an entire week of eating healthy and making the right choices and yet you felt the need to throw it all away in a matter of minutes. Now you are back at square one. Get back on that scale now fat ass, I dare you.
Now this would be my usual path, and don't get me wrong I did consider it this morning when I woke up. This is why I am sitting here now writing this all down. I don't want to ruin my hard work by giving in to this horrible monster inside of me. I am determined to make this work and I don't care how hard it is, I refuse to throw it all away now when I have passed the hardest week. So today will be a new venture in the dieting world for me. I vow to continue on through my day as if tomorrow was just another day. When I step on the scale in the morning, it wont show me how well I starved myself the day before, it will show me how well I did all week. Now that is a far better feeling then trying to survive a day where your stomach is talking louder than the kids in your class.
XOXO
Well today is the final day of my first week of changing from my toxic lifestyle, to one that is much more body friendly. It's been a tough week, and there were times on more than one occasion that I wanted so badly to just give up and start again next week. The one thing that kept me going when that little voice in my head was trying so hard to toss me back onto that familiar path, was you. The ones who have decided to read this blog and follow my struggles towards my fabulous self. When all hell breaks loose and that cookie bag was yelling my name I thought back to the computer screen I would have to face on Thursday. The one that I would have to publish my success or failures on for the world to see. Talk about pressure! Nobody in their right mind wants to say they failed during their first week on a new diet. This is when you are most motivated and have a good chance of seeing a positive change.
From experience ( many many years of this) I have always dreaded that day before. The one day you are most aware of how you are doing on your diet. That day before weigh in. It is the most horrible day of the week in my opinion. You are so set on making sure that scale gives you the number you want, that you will pretty much do anything the day before to achieve that. It's that final day to make up for all the tiny mistakes you've made throughout the week. Those days where you mindlessly grabbed for naughty little treats to toss in your mouth and then act as though a whole bag of small mini eggs will never do any damage. Or those days where you're just too tired to come home and make anything healthy to eat so you just open the cupboard to grab something that will not interfere with your couch potato time.
This is the day you do the worst possible thing you can do on a diet, you take it to the extreme. You are so focused on what that scale is going to tell you that all your good habits are tossed out the window and you decide it is a good day to survive on your morning latte, a piece of fruit and water. Not only do you plan on starving yourself all day but you are also thinking about every possible way you can get in exercise today. Thinking if you sweat yourself to near exhaustion you will definitely be rewarded in the morning. It all seems fine and dandy now, and maybe you do have the will power to make it through the day like this but what about tomorrow? If you are like me, the second you jump off that scale you will be running for the kitchen to grab anything to eat. Now if the scale gave you the number you wanted you will be ready to celebrate your achievements. Ok that's great lets get in the car and drive around until we find the biggest bag of chips possible with the fattiest dip and shove it down our throats like there is no tomorrow. You know deep down inside that this is by far the most savage thing you have done all week but you begin to justify your actions. "Well let's think back to the previous day", you say to yourself. "I basically ate nothing, so these extra calories today will just even things back out". Hidden in your car you continue to shove food in your mouth not even tasting it as you scramble to finish it all off so there is nothing to tempt you later. Once you have licked that final crumb, you lay your over stuffed self down on the couch and for a split second feel great. Then it sets in, remorse. You have just given in to a weak moment and ruined everything you struggled so hard for all week. You survived an entire week of eating healthy and making the right choices and yet you felt the need to throw it all away in a matter of minutes. Now you are back at square one. Get back on that scale now fat ass, I dare you.
Now this would be my usual path, and don't get me wrong I did consider it this morning when I woke up. This is why I am sitting here now writing this all down. I don't want to ruin my hard work by giving in to this horrible monster inside of me. I am determined to make this work and I don't care how hard it is, I refuse to throw it all away now when I have passed the hardest week. So today will be a new venture in the dieting world for me. I vow to continue on through my day as if tomorrow was just another day. When I step on the scale in the morning, it wont show me how well I starved myself the day before, it will show me how well I did all week. Now that is a far better feeling then trying to survive a day where your stomach is talking louder than the kids in your class.
XOXO
Monday, April 12, 2010
That friend we love to hate
April 12th, 2010 - 124 days until Wedding
Well I survived the weekend, which you all know can be the make or break of any diet you are on. It always seems like once you start something like a diet, there are suddenly a billion events planned to help throw you off track. Family dinners, birthdays and other special events are the hardest things to attend when you are at the beginning of a new eating plan. Not only are you not in a routine yet, but your body is craving those naughty things that always show up at these type of events.
I had to take on one of those events after only being on my new diet for 2 days. Talk about a challenge of self control coming when it is so easy to choose the wrong path. That little voice in your head that says "You can always start again tomorrow, it's not like you have been doing this long enough to ruin anything." Now this would be my usual path of self destruction BUT this time was different. I did my best to ignore that terrible self destructing voice in my head and looked past the temptations. I managed to stick with my plan through the birthday dinner. I'm not going to say I was 100% but I did stick with my plan during dinner and felt no such guilt when I cut myself a small piece of birthday cake to enjoy with everyone else.
Now the true test of my self control will all come out when I step on that friend we love to hate, the scale. This tiny little machine can be your best friend one day, and the next morning can be your worst enemy. I used to be, and still am addicted to the scale. I'm one of those people who will get on it every morning religiously just to determine if I will have a good day or not. Not really the greatest self esteem boost unless you are 100% sure its going to give you the numbers you are looking for. This time around though, I am not stepping on that little bugger everyday. I have decided to not let it run my life on a daily basis and will only weigh in once a week. Now, I have cheated on this so far and jumped on the scale this morning just to make sure, but from now on I will only be meeting up for my love hate relationship once a week. Since I started this on a Thursday, I have decided that will be my day. So from today on I will not get on a scale unless the calender reads Thursday.
I have been asked by a few people if I will be posting pictures of my progress, and at first I was thinking hell no, but I think it will be good motivation for me. So by the end of the week I hope to have my smiling face on here for you. Hopefully that wont scare away some of my followers.
Well I survived the weekend, which you all know can be the make or break of any diet you are on. It always seems like once you start something like a diet, there are suddenly a billion events planned to help throw you off track. Family dinners, birthdays and other special events are the hardest things to attend when you are at the beginning of a new eating plan. Not only are you not in a routine yet, but your body is craving those naughty things that always show up at these type of events.
I had to take on one of those events after only being on my new diet for 2 days. Talk about a challenge of self control coming when it is so easy to choose the wrong path. That little voice in your head that says "You can always start again tomorrow, it's not like you have been doing this long enough to ruin anything." Now this would be my usual path of self destruction BUT this time was different. I did my best to ignore that terrible self destructing voice in my head and looked past the temptations. I managed to stick with my plan through the birthday dinner. I'm not going to say I was 100% but I did stick with my plan during dinner and felt no such guilt when I cut myself a small piece of birthday cake to enjoy with everyone else.
Now the true test of my self control will all come out when I step on that friend we love to hate, the scale. This tiny little machine can be your best friend one day, and the next morning can be your worst enemy. I used to be, and still am addicted to the scale. I'm one of those people who will get on it every morning religiously just to determine if I will have a good day or not. Not really the greatest self esteem boost unless you are 100% sure its going to give you the numbers you are looking for. This time around though, I am not stepping on that little bugger everyday. I have decided to not let it run my life on a daily basis and will only weigh in once a week. Now, I have cheated on this so far and jumped on the scale this morning just to make sure, but from now on I will only be meeting up for my love hate relationship once a week. Since I started this on a Thursday, I have decided that will be my day. So from today on I will not get on a scale unless the calender reads Thursday.
I have been asked by a few people if I will be posting pictures of my progress, and at first I was thinking hell no, but I think it will be good motivation for me. So by the end of the week I hope to have my smiling face on here for you. Hopefully that wont scare away some of my followers.
Friday, April 9, 2010
What's with that killer hour?
April 9th, 2010 - 127 days until Wedding
I know there are many of you out there who are just like me. You may try to hide this embarrassing problem but I am about to expose it to the world. You know that time span during the day, that one where you are on the edge of your seat and your self control feels like it is about to just go out the window? That hour or two where that toxic friend, for simplicity we will call "Snacking", rolls on in an threatens to ruin everything you have worked so hard for all day long. You never hear him or her coming, but she manages to show up everyday when you have those few precious hours by yourself.
A whisper of "Just grab something to eat, it wont hurt you. Just one little cookie wont damage the day." You know the voice I'm talking about. The one we give in to ever so often. It's strange the power this tiny voice has over our mind, it can convince us that anything is good. Once that seed is planted in your brain it becomes an obsession. It's like something has taken over your body, you act without thinking and even though your will power is trying ever so hard to drown out this devilish friend, your body moves as if on auto pilot. It's almost as if you are having an out of body experience. You can see your hand reach out for that box of Girl Guide cookies, and that inner voice is screaming "STOP" yet the hand manages to ignore the shrieking and then...... it's over. You taste that sweet vanilla cookie melting in your mouth and every problem from that day seems to melt away with the icing. When you finally snap back into reality you realize that the unthinkable is staring you right back in the face! The two sides of the cookie box are now uneven! Oh know the world is now off balance. It's like a crisis has come upon humanity and you are the only one who can fix it. "Must equal out cookies", you've become a zombie slave to the cookie box and when you finally wake up all progress from the day has gone down the drain. You are left feeling guilty with an empty cookie box laying next to you on the floor and crumbs scattered around you.
Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you suddenly realize that you must now hide the evidence of your undoing. If your significant other or roommate find out what you have done the shame will be unbearable. How could they ever find out that you are such a savage animal during a few select hours of the day. You are now scrambling to destroy the evidence and to continue on with your day as if nothing happened.
For me, this time of day is from the time I get home from school until the time I leave for gymnastics. that dreaded 4:00pm - 5:30pm hour. I need to overcome this or I will never be successful at becoming the woman that I would like to be. Now that the weather has become nicer my plan is to head out for a short walk during this time, just some quiet time outside in the sun where I can reflect on how well I have done throughout the day. Celebrate my tiny accomplishments without fearing the friend I like to call "Snacking"
XOXO
I know there are many of you out there who are just like me. You may try to hide this embarrassing problem but I am about to expose it to the world. You know that time span during the day, that one where you are on the edge of your seat and your self control feels like it is about to just go out the window? That hour or two where that toxic friend, for simplicity we will call "Snacking", rolls on in an threatens to ruin everything you have worked so hard for all day long. You never hear him or her coming, but she manages to show up everyday when you have those few precious hours by yourself.
A whisper of "Just grab something to eat, it wont hurt you. Just one little cookie wont damage the day." You know the voice I'm talking about. The one we give in to ever so often. It's strange the power this tiny voice has over our mind, it can convince us that anything is good. Once that seed is planted in your brain it becomes an obsession. It's like something has taken over your body, you act without thinking and even though your will power is trying ever so hard to drown out this devilish friend, your body moves as if on auto pilot. It's almost as if you are having an out of body experience. You can see your hand reach out for that box of Girl Guide cookies, and that inner voice is screaming "STOP" yet the hand manages to ignore the shrieking and then...... it's over. You taste that sweet vanilla cookie melting in your mouth and every problem from that day seems to melt away with the icing. When you finally snap back into reality you realize that the unthinkable is staring you right back in the face! The two sides of the cookie box are now uneven! Oh know the world is now off balance. It's like a crisis has come upon humanity and you are the only one who can fix it. "Must equal out cookies", you've become a zombie slave to the cookie box and when you finally wake up all progress from the day has gone down the drain. You are left feeling guilty with an empty cookie box laying next to you on the floor and crumbs scattered around you.
Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you suddenly realize that you must now hide the evidence of your undoing. If your significant other or roommate find out what you have done the shame will be unbearable. How could they ever find out that you are such a savage animal during a few select hours of the day. You are now scrambling to destroy the evidence and to continue on with your day as if nothing happened.
For me, this time of day is from the time I get home from school until the time I leave for gymnastics. that dreaded 4:00pm - 5:30pm hour. I need to overcome this or I will never be successful at becoming the woman that I would like to be. Now that the weather has become nicer my plan is to head out for a short walk during this time, just some quiet time outside in the sun where I can reflect on how well I have done throughout the day. Celebrate my tiny accomplishments without fearing the friend I like to call "Snacking"
XOXO
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Good Bye Old Friend
April 8th, 2010 - 128 days until Wedding
The first thing I would like to do before I start this journey is to thank the one who has inspired me to do this. Her name is Alexa Fleming, and even though we don't know each other too well, she is the beautiful wife of my future husbands best friend. She created a blog to document her journey to becoming "built" and after following her progress this far I have been inspired to take the same steps as her and put it all down for anyone who is interested to read.
They say if you write something down, it makes you more accountable for your actions. I bet if you post it for the whole world to see, it makes you locked in for life! Nobody wants to fail at something in front of their friends, family and peers.
So here we go, this is it! Good bye fat ass and hello fabulous. Now I know from past experience this is going to be one hell of a wild trip but I have so many things in life I want to accomplish and being a fat girl is not one of them!!!
GOOD BYE CARBS,
My dear friend the carb we must go our separate ways yet again. It seems we are not good for each other and being together only makes the other one unhappy. I must have a clean break from you, please do not write or call as it will be too hard on both of us. This will be a hard addiction to break considering I can not give up my morning skinny latte. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror this morning before heading down the stairs. A sort of pep talk silently to myself. I opened the fridge and tossed out those terrible things that have been taunting me for the last week or so. I turned to my last homemade muffin on the counter and shed one small tear as I turned it down for our usual breakfast date.
Now just so any of you who are out there waiting for me to slip up, just be aware that I refuse at this point to give up my skinny latte as well as my morning fruit. This could change if things don't go well but until then let me savour my tiny moment with my devilish friend in the morning.
Like I have said before this will be a long journey but right now I've got five weeks until my first wedding dress fitting, and we all know hoe unforgiving those three way mirrors and measuring tapes can be. So if you like you can join me on my journey and stay posted on my updates OR you can too get your butt in gear and be my partner along the way. My students in school always say "Strength in numbers!"
xoxo
The first thing I would like to do before I start this journey is to thank the one who has inspired me to do this. Her name is Alexa Fleming, and even though we don't know each other too well, she is the beautiful wife of my future husbands best friend. She created a blog to document her journey to becoming "built" and after following her progress this far I have been inspired to take the same steps as her and put it all down for anyone who is interested to read.
They say if you write something down, it makes you more accountable for your actions. I bet if you post it for the whole world to see, it makes you locked in for life! Nobody wants to fail at something in front of their friends, family and peers.
So here we go, this is it! Good bye fat ass and hello fabulous. Now I know from past experience this is going to be one hell of a wild trip but I have so many things in life I want to accomplish and being a fat girl is not one of them!!!
GOOD BYE CARBS,
My dear friend the carb we must go our separate ways yet again. It seems we are not good for each other and being together only makes the other one unhappy. I must have a clean break from you, please do not write or call as it will be too hard on both of us. This will be a hard addiction to break considering I can not give up my morning skinny latte. I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror this morning before heading down the stairs. A sort of pep talk silently to myself. I opened the fridge and tossed out those terrible things that have been taunting me for the last week or so. I turned to my last homemade muffin on the counter and shed one small tear as I turned it down for our usual breakfast date.
Now just so any of you who are out there waiting for me to slip up, just be aware that I refuse at this point to give up my skinny latte as well as my morning fruit. This could change if things don't go well but until then let me savour my tiny moment with my devilish friend in the morning.
Like I have said before this will be a long journey but right now I've got five weeks until my first wedding dress fitting, and we all know hoe unforgiving those three way mirrors and measuring tapes can be. So if you like you can join me on my journey and stay posted on my updates OR you can too get your butt in gear and be my partner along the way. My students in school always say "Strength in numbers!"
xoxo
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